I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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