What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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