I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
