Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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