Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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