I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
