Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
