Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
this just has baby written all over it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize