Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
