I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
