I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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