you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
