I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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