The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
