Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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