Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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