Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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