Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
