Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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