I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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