Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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