oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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