youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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