I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
