i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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