How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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