I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
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I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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