So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
