i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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