I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
