what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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