im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
