Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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