Ambien. No doubt about it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
