Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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