Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.