You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY