The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
