I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
