Umm I'm too high to move.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.