the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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