I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
