i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.