MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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