The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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