Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
