At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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