we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
