I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
