In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just google imaged poop.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
