Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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