Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
