Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
