Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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