dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
