I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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