I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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