i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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