Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
