so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
