Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Semen is not good for contacts.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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