you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
