Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
