he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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