I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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