I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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