if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
