I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
being pregnant is like rehab
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
