Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
