im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
