Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
