The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
