my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize