I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
