nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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