Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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