I hate all girls vehemently.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
