I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
