Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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