so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
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I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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