Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
