i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
