return my video game
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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