He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
