Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
