She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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