Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
