i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
