i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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